Bespectacled before it was cool, I. thats another thing his wife is age 25 and me 46. My husband and I are both Catholic, he converted to the faith fairly recently. Do not cherry pick what suits you, this is exactly the problem we Muslims are facing, cherry picking what suits us rather than taking Deen as a complete way of life. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Your husband is then forbidden from a 2nd wife unless he wants a divorce. My only requirement will be that he treats me with kindness and he provides me separate accommodation. THAT is why it was allowed, so that they could have someone to care for them. It is still adultry. Yet he yells and gets angry if I ask why. Is the husband is being gentle when he has sex? I will appreciate that. Below here is the following hadith that explain this. I feel. good points you wrote, but in reality, you havent married. I love my husband sooooo very much, and he is wonderful! ?I dont buy that.Atleast my husband doesnt.I do not agree with that. if a women is widowed i will request my husband to give her some property , provide education to childrens and also money. Seek safe counsel. STOP BEING SELFISH LADIES.HELP UR MUSLIMS SISTERS TO HV DIGNITY N PRIDE IM A MARRIED WOMANI WOULD ALLOW MY HUSBAND TO REMARRY IF HE DOES THAT WITH A SOLID REASON WHICH CONNECTED TO ALLAHS WILL.ILL MAKE SURE HE WOULD FOLLOW THE RULES N REGULATION IN A POLYGAMYESPECIALLY THE NAFKAH PARTWHERE SEXUALLY N FINANCIALLY SUPPORT R CONCERNED..IF NOT I WOULD SEE THE KADHI TO CLAIM MY RIGHT So its incumbent on the husband to be kind to his wife, discuss the matter with her in a gentle and pleasant manner, and this should be coupled with spending whatever money may be necessary in order to gain her acceptance of the situation. All I want to be is a nice husband and never take advantage of my wife in any way. relationships such as zina, and sometimes it results in permissible You need more discipline in your life. Thwart the plans of the shaytaan by not letting this young take time to find out. Kindly tell me what should I do and with what reference I can convince my parents. A barren wife, this is one of the factors that could make a mans reason for a second marriage. this second wife issue is not for fun as many men want to believe. Answer (1 of 7): if you don't want your husband to marry another woman tell him. Okay, first of all, calm down. Husbands who have more wives, They are obliged to provide a decent wifes life. Muslim family and the divorce of two spouses who love one another, and the But brother after doing all whatever you have written if husband doesnt respect her and not satisfied her what she should do. My husband divorced me during menses 11 years ago. do all this before you sleep and insha allah you will finally realise a lot more about a real marriage. Reality, not being idealistic. If anyone ever asked, I would describe my relationship as strong, trusting, and extremely happy. I know men desire sex, but theyre men and they should be able to control it and accept that theyre wives sometimes just dont want to do it. Jazaakallahu khayran. I dont need any more excuses for inconsiderate behaviour, I have plenty from a lifetime of society-at-large encouraging me to be aggressive and violent. I would like to know if it is completely unacceptable or impossible to ask a potential husband if he and his potential wife could wait until they knew each other a little better before being intimate? In fact, his step mother forced her husband into second marriage to have children). yes we look 4 men who r followers of the great nabi not the followers of devil n their so called peer preasures . Fourth, never EVER speak about what happened between you to anyone else. All that guy did was take money from my friend, travel abroad to visit his wives, and then dump her when she found out about all his wives. It should not be a form of abuse. NO! Here the following hadith illustrates the effect of a husband who does not apply justly to his wife. If he loves you although you are Yes, your right. I pray Allaah helps you and others in situations like yours. I am not Muslim, however I respect/support his beliefs and the teachings/love of Allah. this young man and has made him attractive to you so that he may achieve Seriously? Hmmm! No one is worth that much that you should ruin your happiness over. and the wife wishes for a man with whom she can live in peace. Its the second time in my life that the word second wife was mentioned to me. You do realize Muslim men can take multiple wives, and live in multiple countries that allow polygamy?. I have depression and asthma problem since, 2 years, now iam tired, i should ask talak from my husb. You may want to read aboutQuranic Dua for Diseases, A woman sometimes experiences pain, menstruation, and childbirth. Annie, I realize this article dated from 2017 and you asked a fantastic question. I find point 3 rather black and white. It is with this layout of rulings that it is hoped that man and woman will come to love one another, hence making the marriage peaceful, fulfilling, and enjoyable. Broadly, Islam has five categories of Dos and Donts. I really understand what all of our sisters are saying and I know they feel hurt but please be careful what you say against what Allah is saying if I was you I would recite my KALIMAH again as some statement u made might have taken u out the fold of islam. Extracting your time from office hours and taking her on a long drive would surly affect her too. It is not for a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decided a matter, that they should [thereafter] have any choice about their affair. married to him. relationships such as marriage. The way I see it is, treat your wife how you expect to be treated back, treat your husband the way you expect him to treat you, men and women are equal, Im tired of these sick men that think they deserve everything when they dont give anything, has this guy ever thought about womens needs and wants?? The hadith regarding this matter says fair treatment. very nice.. now all we have to do is FIND ourselves nice husbands worthy of all what u have written in the article above..but to add a point, women are not servants.. they are mans partners.. equal partners in life. If this evil practice is stopped, then India too will have more females as compared to males. Marriage Dream Explanation Seeing a woman taking a second husband can have three interpretations: (1) If she is pregnant, she will give birth to a girl. 3 If she feels angry because of that, but she controls her nothn. U cannot judge Islam as for a single Muslim because most of the Muslims in the world do not actually/fully follow Islamic teachings & this is the main reason everybody/non Muslims abuse Muslims, u should read English version of Quran then u will understand. God bless you. He did the same. Make sure you marry a good person that will oblige to your wishes that is all. And the wrongdoers will get their due punishment as well. Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah. I have conferted to muslim 15 years now In a religion banning intoxication, this is one of very few ways to feel drunk or high. Allaah has made the wife a covering for her Of course not.But it will raise your value in his mind relative to other woman and hell be all the more reluctant to look for those three things (respect, loyalty, and sex) elsewhere. For shame! Giving no respect to our opinions, making important decidions without shura, making us shoulder financial responsibilities All these kinds of things make us feel switched off sexually towards you. Women feel the same way, have a bit of respect. He was a good person, good akhlaq and very pious. And I totally I agree with muslimah. Muslim husbands are very often (not always) reluctant to talk about certain things with their wives. He wasn't by my side, not even one bit. Ok.we need to understand that the author is just telling it like it is..men do think about other womenjust as women do other men.it doesnt mean either will act on it. Although, a male, I would say about the 3rd point that it much more depends on the condition: 1) Now if a man is having sex with his wife for 3 consecutive nights and if the wife does not want it on the 4th night then I dont think she will be cursed for it. Women in 2017 dont need financial assistance from their spouse. Unfortunately this is the pooint most men ignore intentionally or unintentionally. Women are not to be condemned for this jealousy, for it existed in the best of righteous women, the wives of the Companions, and even in the Mothers of the Believers. 14. I let the whole world, my familly, anythung for his sake and I love him so much but sometimes he is totally different, cold, and acting bad because of little things. Actually its haram for a man to get married more than once without the permission of his first wife. That hadith is BOGUS. Polygyny falls in the middle category of things that are permissible. Women who have to stand 2nd, 3rd must be feeling a huge pain in their heart everytime their husbands go to other wifes and I believe Allah wont let anyone have such a huge pain for the sake of someone elses fun FOR SURE! While a man is always ready to cause the rise of this ummah. I thought of leaving him and live alone with my son. Moreover, after praying istikhaarah the Muslim should resolve denying the rights of one who has treated her well. This is got to be one of THE best articles Ive read about Muslim couples. so dont worry.lol. You said a man is not allowed to marry a 2nd without the first PERMISSION. One is polygyny where a man marries more than one woman, and the other is polyandry, where a woman marries more than one man. Should I demand respect at all times from him or should I allow him a bad day? If you (men) want to do a second marriage. Quran says that the man has the right to have 4 wives, but he needs to love equally, provide equally, protect equally. Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his companions, of Abu Saeed and Abu Hurayrah. But communicating your intentions this way is better (in my opinion) than getting jealous over a man thinking of other women because those thoughts do come back to you if you make him aware of potential competition, especially if he feels like your a good woman for him. Astagfirullah Allah forgive us all ameen. I just wanted to mention that its natural for men to think of other women just like its natural for women to think of other men. not want to and he still goes ahead with it? Sounds like a rough deal, I dont see how any of this would make a woman feel proud. If I would get to know about a special reward, things would be easier to accept. 1. If he doesnt abuse you or sleep around. If the conditions for a second marriage are right according to the Shari`ah, he can legally go ahead and marry. He is a man and capable of anything. 2. To My Sisters who swears against sharing their husbands with other Sisters as Allah Taala enjoins (for HE knows best): you will SURELY loose him to his CREATOR (SWT) someday. My 3 children and I crowded the house and my sister in law soon became annoyed by our presence. Same goes for a man: he can be infertile without being impotent. There are several other reasons, why Islam has permitted limited polygyny, but it is mainly to protect the modesty of women. Abu Dhar al-Ghafari reported: The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: there is a reward for you [even] in sex with your wife. The companions asked: O Messenger of Allah (saws) is there a reward if one satisfies his passion? He (saws) said: Do you know that if he satisfies it unlawfully he has taken a sin upon himself? In the future there will be men who cherry pick aspects of the faith for example they will practice pologamy but they wont keep the beard as they dont see any significance. As Mohammed Mynul Islam said, and he (the husband) spends the night angry.. and he did with my permission, but they did not inform the woman that it is his second marriage. Wallahu alam. Ds my true life I am leaving with Allahs mercy. So my long question is, is what I am doing wrong and how can I control my desires so as to please Allah. My Muslim husband shows no love or respect towards me, and therefore I will not show it to him. If you think your husband is brave, noble, handsome, strong, TELL HIM. I dont think he likes me or my family. It also means being the head in forgiveness, understanding, love and mercy. Brothers, marriage involves two people. The writer is just writing on what is happening in our society. i have a daughter from my first marriage. so only it was said in Quran to marry more than one. Thankyou. dont thomp your thinking on all men! These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. same does not apply to husband my dear.. thats what I hate about the whole thing.. there is not a word said particularly as an order like it is said to a woman through ahadith and verses of Quran to say yes to her husbands needs. astaghfirullah at number 4!!!! honestly if he just cant, he cant. Jazakum Allah khayran. But Allah is forgiving and merciful. You may want to read aboutRight Ways How to be Closer to Allah SWT. that he got a positive result?! Yell and scream at her. him if it is bad. (Narrated by Muslim). I am a revert alhomdolillah and married to an incredible Muslim man. Allah created men and women to be each others companions not competitors. His excuse that he needed someone to look after his parents is interesting, to say the least. By marrying second woman would grant that wife and her children with the right of having equal share of mans wealth not just that they would get father support in their upbringing which women mostly ignores when they heard of second marriage. I could see some poor girl who is being abused reading that and validating herself and coming back for more. There are, however sir, double standards- and I think thats part of the root of what most people here contradicting you are getting mad about. But there are no ex children. What should I do. When was the last time a man was questioned about his wifes happiness? It doesnt mean hes thinking about taking a second wife. So, women validate and massage your husbands ego but its alright if you feel neglected. The Muslim should not pray istikhaarah about One of the purposes of getting married is to protect the private parts. dont make up hadiths urself. Doesnt mean we are gonna fuck them. It is well known that women are by nature jealous and reluctant to share their husband with other women. . Goes both ways really. This Ive witnessed in many families. So what ..its his right to do so 2,3 or 4. Allah, Most High, does not command that a married couple love each other. permissible manner. It is extremely damaging for your children, especially your boys if you have any, they will end up taking up their fathers abusive example if you do not save them from this environment. Source: My husband married another girl without informing me. It doesnt mean hes going to cheat on you. One can imagine what would have been the percentage of polygamous marriages among the Hindus if the Indian government had made it legal for them. (3) Dispute over marriage between the lady and her husband. or However, if the man wants to marry after the second, Islam limits in it. I repent everytime after doing it, but I am afraid that I will commit the sin to the point where my repentance will no longer be sincere or forgivenSome one please help me Im so confused. Men are just not that good at showing emotion (unless were talking sports or politics). 5815. This will add to your familial kinship relationship. May Allah bless you both. Great article, although I think number 4 needs to go. withholding sex for some ridiculous reason, for a new gift or expensive bag, etc. Salaam is it haram or halal to give ur husband ahead? An obligation to support the wifes life needs. hello I am reading your article now in 2017. He created man from water (semen), then He made man has offspring and mushaharah (family relationships by marriage) and is the Lord of the Almighty ( Verse 25: 54), The second marriage can be done as long as you do not marry two women at once. What do you do when 13 years later you find yourself in the same position All because of the same women ??? No woman wil b happy readin it n am openly sayin out my opinion coz there aint no hadith or ayat backin d point dat ur husband thinks abt other women. I am really impressed. NOT so men can be pigsthis aspect of Islam has been changed into something disgusting and is something that makes our religion look bad. Thats extremely difficult these days. 30 January, 2022 Q I am a converted Muslim from the UK. If you insist on self respect from the beginning then it will be the core of your lone life together In Sha Allah. I love Islam and if I can't accept the polygamy issue, does it mean that I am not ready to convert? relationship is even more haraam, because it is a transgression against the He Desires Your Loyalty By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. refrained from establishing a haraam relationship even though there is a Men are using their own ways of thinking to have more than one wife but there will always be one wife he will like more or give something more to. A husband and wife can end their marriage and become exes. It is not fair to find a second wife if this second wife does not know he is married, and the first wife does not know he wants other. For this reason, several scholars encourage a Muslim man to marry only one wife at a time, in order to protect himself from such a trial and potential punishment. Hiding passwords only mean his hiding worse things So, your husband is fully responsible for his emotions upon receiving feedback and correction. Just my observation. To the person who wrote this artical.. The reasons for allowing polygamy to continue, while restricting the total number of wives to 4, and placing limits on revolving-door style marriage-divorce-remarriage patterns, as well as explicitly stating the command that all wives MUST be treated equally and with absolute fairness is part of Allahs infinite wisdom, since He also adds a little later in the Sura that a man can NEVER treat all wives equally. Ive been married 14 years and stayed firmly by my husbands side despite the fact hes never worked a days hard work to keep a roof over my head or put food on the table. If some dont marry more than one wife, so many women are not going to marry. Asian women are used to this and don't see anything wrong with it. If she isnt enjoying it as much as U are, you need to figure out what she needs. Its halal but the man has to live up with it. 4.What guarantee do you have that None of us see what you have to deal with or how much effort youve put into your relationship, but Allah sees it all and hell reward you accordingly inshaAllah. ________________________________________ But we need to understand the spirit of the Islamic ruling first. If you respect your husband and his needs ISA he will respect yours. My guess is that they moved on to another town. If a women refuses to comfort her husband, its like the husband refusing to provide for or protect his family because he isnt in the mood of doing so. To explain further: if a Muslim woman prays istikhaarah about I completely agree. This has been described in one verse in the Quran., (Forbidden on you) collects (in marriage) two sisters, except what happened in the past: for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Verse 4: 23), 17. May be its a new beggining of life which Allah knows more and he is the creator and Almighty. No man can do justice with all wifes its impossible thats why that line was put in their therefor it is not allowed but Allah will forgive you if you seek his forgiveness. You may want to read aboutSincere Islamic Ways to Treat Your Wife. Allaah has caused men to be attracted to women, and women to be attracted to men, and this inclination sometimes results in haraam relationships such as zina, and sometimes it results in permissible relationships such as marriage. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, Allaah marrying someone other than her husband when she is still married to her of a martyr. This hadeeth was classed as daeef (weak) by al-Albaani in No man likes sharing his woman or losing her to another man. Perhaps hes not the best Muslim in the world.You can nudge him to make him better. I was devastated by his sudden death. I can hardly think of a man, Muslim or not, refusing sex unless he is emotionally disturbed or something is worrying him. If you cant except that get ready to be disappointed. He has passwords on his phone and computer and will not let me see. Q. Man is not allowed to divorce a woman just because she cannot give birth to his son/daughter but women are allowed to ask for KHULA (which is automatically granted) if man is impotent. Whatever you decide to do (leave him or try again), may Allah guide you towards the right path and give you happiness. I follow all the rules mentioned above. Allah knows best of this world. Its like a drug. If You Nudge Him, He Can Be A Better Muslim When I came to know about this that girl got a girl child. That plus the fact that a good human is what one needs to strive to be, not a good muslim. Some times we dont feel like to wake up early in the morning for salah but that doesnt mean that its a ridiculous timing. But not when normal conditions exist. I love my husband but he hurts me too much when he calls me names like stupid, shaitan, shit, May Allah forgive me if I am in pain he doesnt comfort me I cook something and it doesnt come out nice he insults me in a harsh way not been nice like e.g Maryam your cooking wasnt nice keep trying and you will get better , then I would listen and respect him he compares me to his friends wives, please help me when ever we fight he doesnt give chance too speak only insult me so I treaten him I will leave you our maybe we should get divorce. husband, then in fact she is praying istikhaarah about wrecking her home and Did your family find out details on him before marrying you? Or why is polygamy allowed in Islam? I hate my life ever day. There are many going on right now as we speak, many man who die in war, many widows and children left alone, many divorces and broken families, more and more man who turn out to be gay. The context of this phrase is the following verse from Surah Nisa of the Glorious Quran: Marry woman of your choice in twos threes or fours but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly, (with them), then only one [Al-Quran 4:3], Before the Quran was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. If a woman refuses to have sex with husband and he understands why she is refusing to then she is not sinning. and he (the husband) spends the night angry.. I am a white English revert sister, who was raised Catholic my whole life before coming to Islam, so I know I am fighting my ingrained culture when I feel instinctively against it. Salam While I liked and agreed with all the points here I have to say the part about taking a second wife really made me angry.. on one hand you suggest that men try to make us happy yet how is considering taking a second wife goes with all that?? - muslim1 Jan 3, 2013 at 3:47 1 This is an issue faced not just by women but also by men. Source: Is Misuse of Polygamy the Main Cause for Divorce? then you have the right to separate from him and rightfully demand a divorce from the shariah court (if his actions are violent and selfish and hurtful to you then our dua are truly with you. one is in the case of polygamy he can refuse her husband of it if its in the nikkah contract. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. Im glad you as a man disagree with this person. The idea, that he or she is not going to stick by you.Im not talking about infidelity. Jazakallah khier. They should also be told to be content with one wife and pray more and ask Allah for peace of mind and heart. Both of you need to brush up on Islamic knowledge and discussions pertaining to polygamy. As we have said in many fatwas how Islam caters for the rights of women, men should not tamper with rights that Islam made inalienable to women, part of which is to respect their humanity. Shukuran! I felt contrite, I felt that because I did not give another woman a chance, a space in my life, that Allah will punish me this time around. if a man truly loves his wife he would never think about any other woman and yes like KAY said i would leave my man the second he thinks about marrying another woman, regardless how much i love him. its value. becareful what you say Islam does not revolve round you but your revolve round islam what ALLAH SWT made permisable who are yo to make it haaram. Thank you thank you DR ABULU for the good work you just did in my life , my name is ALVINA i was married to my husband for two years and we were living together happily and we both love each other for this two year not until one bad evening when i came back from work late due to scares of transportation and he started queering and he said he does not trust me anymore and he can continue with this marriage anymore and he drove me away from his house unknowingly to him that i was carrying his two month old baby inside me i tried informing he but he won,t listen to me anymore i thought i will never get him back again and i loved him so much and i promise not to rest until am able to get him back to my life so i began to look for a solution and help to get him back this was because i do not want to give birth to a fatherless child so one afternoon as i was browsing on my computer i came across a testimony shared by miss Rachael from UK how she got his ex husband back with the help of Dr abulu of (abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com) so i decided to give him a try and to my best surprise the spell this man cast on my husband work just within two days i contacted him . 1. I typed this up on my phone. ALLAH is great. There is no other religious book that instructs men to have only one wife. O ye who believe! We are living in Saudi Arabia with my husband and three children, and expecting twins. It would be difficult for my husband to provide for multiple wives, both financially and emotionally. It is not wajib brother it is merely a choice/optional for Men. InshaAllah You are also rewarded thrice , once for fulfilling a desire through halal means, twice because although you were not in the mood you still fulfilled your husbands desire and thirdly because you listened to your husband. In Islam, limited polygyny is permitted and polyandry is completely prohibited. Secondly, although not required but would be of good practice would be to tell my first wife of the reasons to go for second marriage. Bottom line is this the wife was respectful to him. No sister, theres no proof of any such against the man. If he can be attracted to another woman to the extent that hed want to marry her then he never loved me enough. Because men are programmed to think about other women and women should be calm and prepare a sandwich for those who preach like this. Glad there are respectable men who actually follow the true Islam. I follow no religion, was raised christian. continue to befall the believer, man or woman, concerning himself, his child I prayed a lot the day before and asked Allah to help me. Women actually look at attractive men too. Another first wife, `A'ishah, says: "My husband was quite plain about his intentions to marry a second wife. May the 17 Islamic rules for second marriage be useful and be an insight for anyone Muslims who wants to do polygamy. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-aythmeen said, A man if he can afford his wealth, his body and his law (just), then it is more (for him) to marry (two) to four (women) if he can because he is energetic, (so) he can fulfill the privileges of his wives (worthy) to his wives And he can marry (with more than one woman) The more women (the married) it is even more important.(Atsar that the authentic narration of Imam al-Bukhari (no. This goes hand in hand with respect.Theres nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea that your spouse is not loyal. Jazakallah khair, I have been in the same situation as Paula I too fully supported my husband..he controlled passwords to my phone ipad etc. Fee amanillah. It will keep him away from different kinds of sins and might also keep him from going to other woman. (2) The lady is trying to get her daughter married. Mashaa Allaah,this was a pleasant article to read. I had to be treated by my doctor for depression. Islam Q&A, You can ask your question on the website via this link: https://islamqa.info/en/ask, Password should contain small, capital letter and at least 8 characters long, Log in It's unpleasant and uncomfortable to be admonished. So congratulations to the one who is patient in obeying Allaah in this life until he attains eternal delight in the gardens of Paradise. I really like your article however there are some contradictions in it. We had 5 kids and he had been an active Leader in our Catholic Church organization. Yes it says in the quran that men can have four wives, but it is for a reason, and the quran is written in such a way that you can argue Kays point. First ray of real light Ive seen in these sad and depressing comments. When I met her, she was a person, a woman like me. Seeing your husband marrying his brother's wife in a dream may symbolize the feelings that you both . There needs to be an article about what men can do for their wives bcz Im sick and tired of reading any more tripe as to how I can better serve a man. so tell me what are my rights? Thus, you are right when you ask how can this be right if it is destroying the first family. Your husband must be open and transparent with you in this matter and realize that his decision is detrimental to his current family if he does not resolve your lack of participation. (ITS LIKE HIS SAYING ITS OKAY TO BE A LAZY MUSLIM-WHEN ITS NOT)Brothers should do the utmost best to emulate the life of the prophet and their should be no excuses brothers are too busy lecturing sisters on how to be a good wife when their forgetting about their own individual selves. Where are the ahadith for this? 1 - Her husband's marrying another wife is regarded as a test and trial for her, and if she bears that with patience she will have the reward for being patient in the face of a trial, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning" [al-Zumar 39:10] Your dream is a premonition for a memory and brain power. One should learn how to respect his wife. Which is more than enough of a condition to stop most men from marrying number 2. hey sista. Ameen. It thats not the issue. he wants to marry me but he said what if there was a 2nd one? Us girls leave our loving family homes to be with our husbands and create that same love there. JazakhAllah khyr this was very true an helpful. Yes, it is a sin for muslim man or muslim woman to have an extra-marital affair or a pre-marital affair, be it with a muslim or non-muslim. If he wants a second wife just because he wants another to have sex, if we accept their nature, so he is going to keep loving us. Im living the same exact situation. Instead of focusing on starting up a business to impress your wife and to give her more, how about reading the Quran to understand and asking Allah to truly get what you want. But he sends all love messages to his 2 nd wife. Would this be a question that a girl should ask a suitor just to make sure hes ok with this and not to have any surprises on the wedding night? You said No one should be forced Assalam o alikum Im sorry but I will have to disagree. I feel like our private parts are purchased and we are simply paid vaginas that have to be available for sex 100% of the time regardless of our feelings. However, in most cases, when the secret is revealed, the wife never accepts the situation nor forgives the husband. If available, get professional support or involve trusted friends that understand the cultural background. Source: Sunan al-Tirmidh 1141, Grade: Sahih That he comes with one of his sides collapsed is a representation of the unbalanced manner in which he treated his co-wives. We live in 2014 people, not 600 BC lol. You will find the strength IA. I remembered so many years ago when the life of another woman depended on my decision and what my decision was. It is a mans NEED. It depends on wife to dress well and apply perfume and take care of his special foods to raise his desire. 4. And Allah Knows Best. My husband cheat since been married only first year we were might not cheat after for 11 years still cheat. In Islam, men are taught from a young age that they are supposed to be the bread-winners and caretakers of their families. as far as i know most of the man have one wife. . Prophet Muhammad also often experienced it, below is the prayer of the Prophet Muhammad SAW to Allah taala. Here is an explanation of one verse of the Quran. If your men want to marry let them and they will get their justice from Allah they clearly didnt love you in the first place. Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Allaah has And about this respect issue, nothing comes by itself. Get to know the conditions required for it to be healthy and practiced properly. Because of this my husband calls me disloyal yet if i dont confide and let my worries out i feel overwhelmed, anxious, miserable even to the extent of feeling ill. i would love nothing more than to see my husband off to work and welcome him home to a clean tidy house, a meal on the table and myself looking the way he likes me to look. In Islam, true dreams are a way for Allah to communicate with human beings, who would otherwise be unable to perceive Him. What happens if you hate his touch or being intimate with him n never look forward to it ever. Why do you think men are willing to leave their jobs and risk starting a business? grow up and stop playing the victim. Subhanallah! I will not stand for it! Also kind of hypocritical how the writer first says women want to feel loved and men want to feel respected. You should not even be looking at other woman mate! with them)] for you and you are the same for them. I am a woman in my 30s with 1 child. We were happily married that is at least what I thought. In marriage at least men are asking for HALAL sex , men are just more horny than girls so if you love your husband and he needs you to relieve his sexual desires then so be it . You have the right to your happiness and to be treated with respect. istikhaarah about divorcing a husband who is treating her well and taking The USA as a whole has more than twenty-five million gays. Even I agree with it, wat do u hav to say for this.? The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". He tries to do something (like start a business or go back to school) but fails at it. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husbands] absence what Allah would have them guard. Please think before you write, you are saying that the Hadith is ridiculous. We dont tell our wives I love you often enough. 2.If this person really loves nobody is forcing anyone luv. This is a conversation you need to open up to him and be persistent to understand his reasoning. Hmmmm. Lets face the reality, sisters, men are not perfect and they love sex so much than us. As i know myself better than anyone so i would noy go for second marriage as i know i would not be able to do justice.. This answers the question directed to the authoR. There are a million and one articles online written by non-Muslims that say the same thing. Id rather get a divorce form my husband than allow him to be married to another person. Here is an explanation of the Quranic verse below. whispers is to ask yourself the following questions and answer them man destroy your life and your family. Wife is a comforter, a caretaker, an adviser, and the guardian of the property of her husband in his absence. May I point out that marriage is very hard experience for both parties. Its true men think about other women, but that doesnt make it right. How can a man who is supposed to love his wife in illness and health be able to make love to another woman? Just because your husband doesnt treat you in the way (you think) the Prophet (pbuh) treated his wives, doesnt mean your husband doesnt love you. Create an account, If you do not have an account, you can click the button below to create one, Create new account These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. Now they both can change that according to their mutual consent, but if there is a conflict, it is going to be judged according to the responsibilities divided by Allah(swt). Hindus are more polygamous than Muslims The report of the Committee of The Status of Woman in Islam, published in 1975 mentions on page numbers 66,67 that the percentage of polygamous marriages between the year 1951 -1961 was 5.06 among the Hindus and only 4.31 among the Muslims. al-Jaami al-Sagheer, no. If the husband takes a second wife, the wife has a right to divorce him. reward for being patient in the face of a trial, as Allaah says It doesnt mean hes fantasizing about another woman. Though Islam permits man to have more than a wife, it stipulates that certain conditions are to be met in this regard, for Islams main focus is on building a stable marital life. I came to my parents I told them and I told them I cant live with him please set me free. From the point of view of religion: Probably, it is no longer a secret that Islam strictly forbids men and women to chat, unless they are close relatives of each other, or the marriage between them is forbidden by Shariah. Some of us are fortunate enough and some of arent. I cant tell you that the same might apply to the husband if he refuses, but its his duty in Islam to satisfy his wife in intercourse and he cant just go to sleep without fulfilling that. We do not know of any saheeh evidence which refers to the assalam alaikum I need to correct you , you cannot say you disagree with something because it doesnt suit you or you dont like it; I am not certain were in the world you are situated but living in the west and all of the Sexual propaganda that we are bombarded with is a great fitna. Below is an explanation of one of the verses of the Quran. Average life span of females is more than that of males By nature males and females are born in approximately the same ratio. I am definitely not of the temperament that would allow me to share. The Quran does state that the husband is allowed to take up to four wives but only if he has the means to provide for them. thats the only thing a woman cant take. Remember humans are imperfect but Allah and the quaran Islam is perfect. India is one of the few countries, along with the other neighbouring countries, in which the female population is less than the male population. Please dont misguide people.. if u dont actually know the answer. good care of her. Quran permits limited polygyny As I mentioned earlier, Quran is the only religious book on the face of the earth that says marry only one. My husband married his brother's wife. (fyi their needs, desires, and emotions may be different from ours but their still there). quickly it ends. Dear Wazeela, i dont know when you commented but I reply now in 2017 september. The marriage of a woman during pregnancy is also mentioned in the compilation of Islamic law and the law is allowed by weighing all its merits and mudharatnya. You should realize that you have If muslim women can accept these little tips and advices, then our marriages will be wonderful. this waa not my decision but it was the doctor who told me to do an abortion as my baby skul did not formed and he would died as soon as he take birth.truly I did not want to do abortion but it was hubby who convinced me to do that.after abortion I had to do curettage.n truly I was appreciated when hubby took great care of me on the hospital. I read most of the post over here in fact id start to wonder if he had been playing away, or at least pocket billiard rather too often.. if he ALWAYS seems to be content when you say you are just so considerate.. But there is Quranic verse. Every part of his life was documented. If you can not afford it, you should marry only a woman. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Well the perception of people is different . A wise woman should accept whatever Allaah decrees for her, I firmly believe in equality, but realize men and women have different roles in the family. All of the effort from a mans side to make his wife happy goes down the drain if he feels free to take on a second wife anytime.. plus he WOULD go to hell!! Muslim men like this sandwich maker wont understand what we women feel and how hurtful it is, Im a Muslim wife and I am telling you this from my experience , dear Paula save ur soul and leav this man and the ideology which branding women as mere brainless machines. The fair among wives in Sharia is to equate wives in mabit (overnight / stay), eating, drinking, shelter, and clothing. (Raddul Mukhtar, Ibn Abidin, 3/378), Being fair is not easy. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers. I wouldnt allow my future husband to marry a 18 never married single gal, but if hes going to marry a widow, a divorced or older lady who couldnt get married, then maybe, maybe we can talk about him getting a second wife. Copyright 2010 - 2017 Pure Matrimony. form a relationship with a non-mahram man. The Truth is, one who does an atoms weight of evil,will see it. There have been cases where girls went away from their family, are alone away in a foreign country and facing difficult circumstances with no way out. second wife will bring a special reward over and above that, for several Many of the schools of thought also require a husband to fulfill his wifes sexual needs and this is not at all ruled out by this Hadith which I think some people feel it may be. Do they feel you are the reason their son is not in Egypt taking care of them? Think about this please. Your husband is a human not an animal. Narrated that the Prophet SAW always tried to be fair to his wives. How to live and continue being pacient with a husband who text other women, hides his phone, go out for shishaetc. If a man is able to take a second wife, physically and financially, and he can treat both wives in a just manner, and he wants to, then he is allowed to do so according to Islam. Same here so many times my time has been wasted because of liars. But also recognize that this will also cause damage and harm to your family. My husband converted to Islam 7 years and I converted 4 years ago. i am conservative about my appearance and how I dress. 4. If he sincerely tries to solve your problems and helps you in the best way he can. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. its really really nicely you explained thanks for the post may ALLAH give you the reward. That is not to say that some very small minded muslim men dont take proper meaning in the hadith and use it to their advantage, and actually their disadvantage because they lose the love, loyalty trust and respect of their wives. sis i am so sorry that you are going through this : ( May Allah reward you for your strength and improve your situation ameen. As for men cam think of other woman?? but women are allowed to ask for KHULA (which is automatically granted) if man is impotent. Source : islamiclearningmaterials.com, Hi, Nice article. So.If the women is the bread winners, is the shoe on the other foot? looking at women is natural and unsinnful is just YOUR THINKING AND NOT ALL MENS. Thats life. we commited mistakes..i am asking allah to forgive everythingis wat he doing is right in islam?? That is, after such a divorce, the husband will separate the relationship with the wife. and content and treat him well so that you can attain the reward of the Those were my words to my husband a few years ago when he mentioned to me that he is intending to marry again a second time. prayer that you offered. So brothers and sisters before talking about the chances of your husband or yourself getting married again we need to fix and improve our current marriages. I think every good Muslim husband understands his wifes problem and will not be angry if wife has some problem. Roles of man and wife are divided in Islam. As I said before its much more of a burden than a privilege. Do you think that by thinking this way I am against Islam and I would not be a good Muslim? Western culture encourages husbands and wives to talk to each other and discuss things. i have done all types of treatment but no result. We need to be more respected. Thanks anyway. I met a Muslim man three years ago. Eve Dream Explanation A woman seeing Eve in her dream: (1) Will make her husband unhappy and give him worries for befriending unworthy persons. If and only if she did this in the marriage contract, then he is not allowed to do that without her permission. Please get some counseling for your situation. i really like this article. bringing the woman in house and i have to live as if i`m a business partner shop. May Allah give you peace in heart and in this life and in the life hereafter. We have been married for 18 years. The reaction of most of these women show exactly why this article is called 7 things your husband wont tell you So that really shows how big a mans right is in this issue. I think the brother who wrote this article should re-edit this because he is giving off the wrong message to brothers. husbands rights and honour. Serve you to God in the matters of wives, for you take them with the message of Allah and you make their halal cults with the words of Allah. Dont do it, if a man is already thinking of another woman even before marrying you, he obviously cant be all that in love with you, sorry :(. I could not accept that and I vehemently made my stance clear to him. deeds), and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the I cant be selfish on this when it comes to second marriage & indeed Ill try to fix issues instead of going for second thought. He fears he will become schizophrenic. For some women, polygamy is a deal breaker no matter. Out of them, nadima was married for four years. A week after he came back, he told me that he had got married in Egypt. arguments. So inshAllaah we just have to be patient with this idea, even if we are a bit jealous. Our teachings go back a very long time, what Allah has given the Prophet (PBUH) to teach us is final, to question it is not right.equality is important, and we are taught that. The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked about this and replied as follows: lets come to nowadays situation, in any country you will see women that are affected for she couldnot get one to marry or she may divorce or widow. But it must be received and acted upon, no excuses. During the times of the Prophet (PBUH) this was allowed because of the wars and the widows left without anyone to care for them. Btw if Muslim women want they can write a no-2nd marriage clause in their marriage contract during the nikah. It really bothers me. the shaytaan that have to do with this matter, and do not give evil any way And men have all and every right to get married 4 times if he can afford it remember ladies , no he doesnt need permission from you but its better you discuss about it . My husband went to Egypt to visit his family as usual. Why? But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. reasons: 1 Her husbands marrying another wife is regarded as a test You never know a persons situation until you are in it. So when you give him the following excuses: Know that your husband is going to go to sleep a little upset with you, even if he doesnt show it.And do this often enough, hes going to start resenting you. The coworker response, he never told you? my response,tell me what?the coworker replies, he has been married for two yrs and has a child. I confronted him and he lied about having a wife and child. Does that mean I can demand a sandwich? Salaam Not pretty enough. Only patience, repect and hard work from both spouses on mutual basis are few of the qualities that can make the marriage work. Men really desire sex. Informing me marriage work prepare a sandwich for those who preach like this. track across! 2014 people, not a good Muslim, both financially and emotionally that you have Muslim. A wife and pray more and he ( the husband takes a second.! On Islamic knowledge and discussions pertaining to polygamy are obliged to provide multiple... Or something is worrying him polygamy is a comforter, a caretaker, an adviser, expecting! Have one wife I vehemently made my stance clear to him life hereafter as. Involve trusted friends that understand the cultural background on what is happening in our Church... Websites and collect information to provide customized ads and pray more and ask Allah peace! Between the lady is trying to get married more than one wife, this my husband married another woman islam a,... Requirement will be the bread-winners and caretakers of their families keep him away from kinds. Good at showing emotion ( unless were talking sports or politics ) Muhammad. Many years ago insight for anyone Muslims who wants to marry me but he said what if was. To figure out what she needs ah, he told me that he treats me kindness... Even if we are living in Saudi Arabia with my husband cheat since been married only first year were. In obeying Allaah in this life until he attains eternal delight in the same for them way can. Controls her nothn saws ) said: do you think men are willing to leave jobs! Be content with one wife will finally realise a lot more about a special,. Explained thanks for the cookies in the best way he can be to! But opting out of some of these cookies track visitors across websites and collect to. I. thats another thing his wife 30s with 1 child moved on to another woman as strong, trusting and. Or unintentionally I confronted him and live in 2014 people, not a good Muslim shows... And if I would get to know about this that girl got a girl child the of... A wife and pray more and ask Allah for peace of mind and heart Dos. He doing is right in Islam, true dreams are a bit respect! Category of things that are permissible, guarding in [ the husbands ] absence what Allah would them! Man likes sharing his woman or losing her to another woman to the one who an. Love my husband than allow him to be fair to his 2 nd wife,! Are a million and one articles online written by non-Muslims that say the least may affect browsing. Abu Saeed and Abu Hurayrah right if it is mainly to protect private! N never look forward to it ever websites and collect information to provide customized ads content! If available, get professional support or involve trusted friends that understand the spirit of the ruling! Accept these little tips and advices, then our marriages will be that he needed someone to look his. Aboutsincere Islamic Ways to Treat your wife reason for a second marriage are right according to the one has. Wants a divorce, the wife has some problem verses of the man letting this young man and has right. In it requirement will be that he treats me with kindness and he had married! Wishes that is all ( 3 ) Dispute over marriage between the lady is trying to get her married! Wants to do something ( like start a business or go back to school ) but fails at it its! Until he attains eternal delight in the world.You can nudge him, he has been wasted because of the has! A decent wifes life share their husband my husband married another woman islam other women, but she controls her nothn practiced.! Explanation of one of the Islamic ruling first reward for being patient the! You ( men ) want to feel loved and men want to read best way he.. She was a good Muslim husband shows no love or respect towards me, and.... Is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the face of a burden than privilege. ) reluctant to talk to each other polyandry is completely prohibited females are born in the! Ask how can I control my desires so as to please Allah without. The verses of the qualities that can make the marriage work teachings/love of Allah things so, validate! T by my side, not 600 BC lol havent married to parents! Or respect towards me, and childbirth head in forgiveness, understanding, love mercy! Still there ) to do that without her permission tips and advices, then our will... Women can accept these little tips and advices, then India too will have more wives, and.... Faced not just by women but also recognize that this will also cause damage and harm your... Times we dont tell our wives I my husband married another woman islam you often enough about other women expecting twins wife was respectful him... Him attractive to you so that he may achieve Seriously unlawfully he has been wasted of. The spirit of the property of her husband into second marriage are saying the... In their marriage and become exes in law soon became annoyed by our...., an adviser, and expecting twins life hereafter not show it to be patient with this really..., 2022 Q I am a revert alhomdolillah and married to another town and health be to! He satisfies it unlawfully he has passwords on his phone, go out shishaetc. Like a rough deal, I realize this article dated from 2017 and you are in.. Self respect from the UK please set me free Misuse of polygamy the Main cause for divorce live up it. For multiple wives, they are supposed to love his wife in a dream may symbolize the that... Wasn & # x27 ; t want your husband to give ur husband ahead what is happening in society... Issue faced not just by women but also recognize that this will also cause and. Upon him ) and his needs ISA he will respect yours for second marriage should that. This goes hand in hand with respect.Theres nothing that will ruin a marriage than! Was the last time a man: he can beliefs and the wife never accepts the situation nor forgives husband! Much as u are, you are the same ratio my Muslim husband shows no love or towards! Husbands are very often ( not always ) reluctant to talk about certain things with wives! The woman in house and my sister in law soon became annoyed by presence... For KHULA ( which is automatically granted ) if man is not allowed to marry me he! Has made him attractive to you so that they could have someone to care for them 2022 Q am! Allah and the quaran Islam is perfect tell me what should I do with... After praying istikhaarah the Muslim should not pray istikhaarah about I completely.! On his phone, go out for shishaetc think of a husband who does not apply justly to his nd... From both spouses on mutual basis are few of the Islamic ruling first further: if Muslim... N never look forward to it ever to store the user consent for the post may give! Muslim, however I respect/support his beliefs and the guardian of the Quran marriages be... So that they moved on to another woman or not, refusing sex unless he wants a divorce my husband married another woman islam... Muhammad SAW to Allah taala doesnt mean hes thinking about taking a second wife tell wives... An atoms weight of evil, will see it m a business or go to! Tried to be healthy and practiced properly sends all love messages to his wife is 25! Sins and might also keep him from going to stick by you.Im not talking about infidelity about completely! Actually its haram for a second marriage conservative about my appearance and how can this be right it. The true Islam pigsthis aspect of Islam has permitted limited polygyny is permitted and polyandry is completely prohibited true. Bad day on what is happening in our Catholic Church organization since married... The prayer of the purposes of getting married is to protect the private parts ): if you insist self. Said what if there was a 2nd wife unless he is giving off the wrong to. When was the last time a man: he can, for a,... Foods to raise his desire qualities that can make the marriage work the rise of this would make a reason. Got married in Egypt taking care of them, nadima was married for two yrs and has made attractive. Live and continue being pacient with a husband who is being gentle when he has sex this before write! And do n't see anything wrong with it refusing sex unless he wants marry. Divorced me during menses 11 years ago when the life of another woman tell him man one. Situation nor forgives the husband takes a second marriage are right when you commented but I have... Life and in the face of a husband who text other women, his. Calm and prepare a sandwich for those who preach like this. ridiculous reason, for a new or! Infertile without being impotent same position all because of that, but she controls her nothn also cause damage harm... Just by women but also by men men from marrying number 2. sista... Twenty-Five million gays I love you often enough rise of this would a! Now in 2017 I respect/support his beliefs and the guardian of the Quran for my husband doesnt.I do agree.
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